Archive Page 2
brothers & sisters
I can not watching this show. You can watch it all online. It’s horribly addicting. I’ve already watched like six episode while eating black licorice. It’s really a great show. I’m so glad Kitty’s a Republican!!
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99 Steps Back
Today I am having a day where I want to be single for a while. I don’t really want to be the old cat lady with 23 orange cats- in fact, i hate cats! But I would enjoy being single for a while. I perhaps my number one hangup is money. Not number one. Maybe top twenty. But still. I am poor. Right now I have $265.52 to my name, plus $10 in quarters. Minus a $125 charge on my AE credit card. And I get poorer than that sometimes! But I like having complete control over my finances. If I want to buy my sixty-second tank top instead of groceries one week, then so be it! It’s weird that I am feeling hung up about money. New Guy clearly has way more money than any of my late romantic endeavors. WAY MORE. He could easily take care of me, and I wouldn’t have to work. But I LOVE WORKING. I would never want to give it up. Even if I had babies. Which is going to cause issues because I’m not a big fan of shipping my beautiful freckly children off to daycare. I want to be able to paint my house all different colors. Including orange and yellow. Maybe I should just have a house of my own for a while…
But New Guy wants to marry me. And soon. And I LOVE him. I really do. I know it’s so soon. But it’s true. We could get married in August or in December or we’d have to wait until next summer because of our school schedule. I’m just so over the college scene. It would just be so wonderful to be with him. Come home to him every night.
On the other hand, am I really ready to give up meeting new people? I mean. I’m shy. I hate it. But oooh. I love it.
I am though. I love New Guy. I do.
But LOL is freaking me out. I had a weird premonition that he did something to himself last night and I randomly started crying. I had to call him at work because he didn’t reply to my text in like 4 seconds and I was completely panicking. I can’t be responsible for his actions and I know it. But it doesn’t make it any easier.
Filed under: LOL, love, money, new guy, single | 1 Comment
Giant Step
So I added New Guy to my “Top Friends” on MySpace. I know. It sounds ridiculous. But with the drama of my friends, it’s huge. Wow. I sound like I’m 12. Someone please make me eat a banana if I’m still on MySpace when I’m 25.
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what i’ve learned
if there’s something i’ve learned through this whole episodes, it’s that my friends don’t understand what love is. they just don’t. i really don’t think any of them have really truly ever been in love. i realize that’s rather brash and sounds smug to say, especially since one of them is getting married in two months. but it’s true. they wouldn’t act this way. they wouldn’t blow it off. they wouldn’t suggest that i just ignore LOL. they wouldn’t be so sarcastic. they would give me a break.
Filed under: friends, love | 1 Comment
my space
Nope. Not social networking! New Guy moved away for the summer. So now! Both of the guys are about 3.5 hours away (in opposite directions) and I will take a huge sigh. *Ah*
All I want to do is go outside and lie down in the grass on the golf course, look at the stars, and contemplate.
It needs to be warmer though. C’mon summer!
Any bets on who I will be with at the end of the summer? My guess is that I will be alone. I love New Guy so much and I just want to be with him so bad. And LOL is stilly my best friend, and we still have this insurmountable emotional tie. However, it’s me. I’m not lucky in love…
Filed under: LOL, life, love, myself, new guy | Leave a Comment
My nightmare
Where have I been?
Well, let me tell you. All my worst fears have come true. New Guy and LOL have BOTH confessed their undying love for me. On the same day, no less. I spent yesterday being in a wedding with LOL. It was so hard for us. I know I don’t love him in that way, but after loving him for five years- it still hurts. He kept on saying,”This could’ve been us if I hadn’t been so stupid.” And I knew he wsa right. I don’t want to lose my best friend.
My romance with New Guy has been absolutely whirlwind. We kissed! Not to kiss and tell, but I’m totally not a kisser. The only other guy I’ve kissed in my entire life is LOL. And I told him that I loved him. And I’m going to meet his parents. And he bought me a cellphone. It’s crazy. I don’t even undestand. And he’s so supportive about LOL. Which is probably for the best since I basically sit on the phone and cry with him for two hours everyday. In fact, LOL should be calling me in about 45 minutes. I don’t even know what to do with him, because I love him SO MUCH, but not in that way. And he has no really good friends that he can talk to about this! I am his really good friend. His best friend forever. He keeps saying that things are going to be different between us, and he’s right. And that hurts too. I’m going to miss being able to tell my best friend everything. And it hurts me so much how distraught he is over all of this. He just cries all the time and tells me that I’m supposed to be with him. He asks me what he can do to make me love him again.
And I just beg for time. I need time. This whole thing has been so fast. But of course, yesterday I walking down the aisle with LOL at a wedding and today I’m going to spring banquet with New Guy. It’s out of control. I won’t get a chance to breathe for about two weeks.
But I can’t help but wonder… who am I supposed to be with? I loved LOL for five years – basically from age 17-through easter 2007. We just barely missed each other. It’s the most unlucky, unfair thing in the world. Seriously. It kills me. But New Guy – he’s never hurt me in that way. And I don’t think he ever will. He loves me. He does. And I love him. Quite a bit. I don’t know how. How could I possibly love him more?
I just wish that I could wake up and still be single and just be best friends with LOL. This is too complicated for me. I don’t know what to do.
Filed under: LOL, cry, feelings, frustration, new guy, problems, sad, wishes | 1 Comment
terrified
I really need to sleep one of these days. Maybe then my emotions wouldn’t be so crazy! I’ve only slept 3-4 hours pernight this whole last week! And not even napping! I had to write a 10-page paper and prepare a 30-minute presentation on it. Call me a procrastinator. I was up until 5AM and then I had to get up to present it at 9. The good thing is that it went WONDERFUL! But I just feel so crazy. I’m so scared. People are starting to notice that something is going on between us. Or is there? A decent guy even warned me that New Guy has been seen with numerous girls. But I already knew that, didn’t I? I want to see him tonight so bad. But I have another paper to write! I also don’t want to see him. Because i just want to give up. Sometimes I just feel like he’s just having fun and it’s like a joke. I’m terrified.
Filed under: new guy, single | Leave a Comment
foward motion
Last night was beautiful. I think I can say that my 11:11 wish came true for once in my life! The New Guy came and sat with me at dinner and things just got better and better from there. We went to Starbucks and just sat and talked in his car for hours. I had to go to work then, but after work and homework, I got a message from him on my phone. I called him back and talked to him for two hours. I can’t believe how much I like him! Is it because I feel like he’s going to break my heart for sure? Why do I hate myself? The only thing that scares me is that I just feel like he has so much more life experience than me. I mean. It makes sense. He’s five years older than me. 5 years???? It’s seems like so much, but I guess it’s not. I told one of my friends about it and had the typical girl giggle fest about it. But really. I’m scared! I’m so happy! But while I was washing dishes this morning, I could picture myself in my mind’s eye having to give up LOL. I don’t know if I could do it…
Filed under: LOL, life, new guy | Leave a Comment
second encounter
He winked at me!
It was so cute. It was. I kept on catching his eye later by accident. It’s crazy. Everything inside me feels happy and new.
Filed under: bliss, new guy | Leave a Comment
